I'm going to eschew all the flowery sales text here and just come out and say it - I am ECSTATIC to be able to offer the very first Real Life Figurine - The Shirt Ninja. I've been working with the fantastically talented Gensen Figures to bring the Shirt Ninja to life. (By the way, I recommend browsing their gallery to get a sense of the quality these guys put out... I'm still in awe of their talent.)

Now, I should note - the figurine you see above is obviously not complete. It is the initial prototype, carved out of sculpting wax. Gensen is currently in the process of casting, sanding, and finishing a painted prototype that will be exactly like the finished product, and I should be receiving the pictures of that in the next few days. I'm only offering this up for pre-order now because in order to get these in a timely fashion, I need to be able to place the order as soon as possible. That's why I'm not simply waiting for the colored photos to be available. Once they arrive (Again, in the next few days) I will post them here for all to see. I do assure you, however, that if you were to pre-order the figurine, and do not like the way it looks when painted (for whatever reason), I will offer a full refund.

I suppose it's time to talk about the nuts and bolts of this bad boy:

• The figurine stands 4" tall and 5" long.


• It will be permanently attached to an oval base - it's kind of off-balance otherwise, so it's impossible to make it free-standing.


• Each figurine will come packaged in form-fitting plastic in a custom-designed box - for those collectors who like to keep things in their original packaging. And... you know. To keep it safe during shipping.

Remember, pre-ordering is the only way to be SURE you're going to get one of these, because once I make the order, the quantity available will be fixed. No more will be ordered after that point, so pre-order yours today to be guaranteed one of these fantastic collectibles!

The first batch of new merchandise (based on old images, yes, but we've found new ways to sell them to you!) is ready for pre-order.

Let's start with that old standby from January, Rule 37. It is now available as a T-shirt (plain white, or "ringer" white) with a Schlock Mercenary logo on the back. The print process used on these is akin to inkjet printing right on the shirt.

The resolution and color depth is wonderful, and we've washed samples with hot water and BLEACH (not that YOU'd ever do that) and there's no noticable fading. I have a year-old shirt printed this way, and it still looks great fifty washings later.

You don't want a T-shirt? Okay, okay. Here's Rule 37 laid out on a mousepad. I know, I know... some of you don't use mousepads. Lots of you DO, however, because optical mice don't always agree with shiny table surfaces. The mousepad is printed the same way the T-shirt is, so the colors look really nice.

Tired of Rule 37? I understand. Maybe I can tempt you with "Petey's Galactic Bath" on a mousepad. It can sit there under your deskrodent as a reminder to not let your sheer brilliance go to your head.

These three items are all on pre-order, and are all going to be printed by the same manufacturer here in Utah in the next couple of weeks. We plan to start shipping things out to you on or around May 20th, but it could happen sooner than that. Or a little later. We'll keep you posted. Watch this space.

Shortpacked!: A crippling technical set-back for Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann.

Book 3, when I get around to assembling it after Book 2 is put to bed, is to be titled "Shortpacked! Is Totally Gay." (Book 3 features the Ethan Realizes He's Gay storyline.) I've started doodling concept sketches for the eventual cover image, and the first one is to the left.

I showed it to Maggie, and her eyes went big. She thinks it's a bit much. It is a little over the top, but that approach tends to be hilarious to me. But does it go over the top in a way that won't scare people away? Can I sell that cover to passer-bys at Comic-Con? Americans can be squeamish about male sexuality. Hmmm.

Here's another concept. Guess the reference! I think it's funny (in an insular Internetty way), but I'm not sure if it suits the title as well as the first one.

In response to both of them, I kinda want a more dynamic character layout, instead of merely staggering layers of characters. Maybe inspiration will hit me. Maybe you'll all beg me to move in the direction of one of these displayed ideas. Who knows!

In the world of diminishing returns, the fund-raiser to afford two thousand books continues! We didn't nearly match the first day's tour de force preordering, but I didn't really expect to, either. Still, we must soldier on! Preorder Book 2, or bid on this original Batman art from me. The latter ends in under a day. Both serve the purpose of providing more books to everyone! Great thanks from me to everyone who's preordered thus far. You are the heroes.

I leave you all with this post from HeroGojira, who alerted us of an Amazi-Girl sighting in City of Heroes. It makes me so happy.

the Golem Girls